i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
