Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
