why do cheetos always look like penises
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
