Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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