I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
