My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize