he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
