It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
