mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
