I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
