He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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