Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
