So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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