you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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