I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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