i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Randomize
