So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
