Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
