sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
