My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
