Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
