wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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