i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
