i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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