the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
