After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
