wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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