When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
