from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize