I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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