Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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