Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
