Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize