I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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