Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
