So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
