Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
