Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
