I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
