Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
two words: eviction party
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
