so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
