Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you never un-have a 4some
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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