i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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