he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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