You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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