Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
they're like a gay fantastic four
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
