I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm really busy with my period
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