I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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