So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
