Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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