Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
