me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You don't make any sense
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