Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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