I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize