East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
