so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
