i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
