yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
