I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
