I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
