giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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