none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
