And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
