she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
