Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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