guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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