i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
