Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize