he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
