I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
