I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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