you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
it glows. i had to have it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
