Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
