ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
