the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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