I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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