I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
