So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So much rum. So many feels.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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