I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
