I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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