im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize