i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
