I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
