I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
