It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
