I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
