Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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