I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
