He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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