my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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