The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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