Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
