Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
