Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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