ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
