We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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