She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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