11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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