Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
