I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
