I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My ass is underappreciated
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
try to milk me bitch
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