I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize