Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
