dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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