i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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