When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
